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Shine the Light on Fear
to do this on a regular basis and loved
the stories. They almost always lulled me
off to sleep -- that is, until the storyteller
shared the story of the "tokaloshie".
The tokaloshie are the demons that
hide under your bed at night. Many
African people are so scared of
tokaloshies they traditionally raise their
beds up on tin cans so the demons will
have a harder time of climbing up into
the bed with them.
And what do these tokaloshies do
when they do climb into your bed? Well,
they strangle you in your sleep, that's
The tokaloshie are very direct in
their evilness. They take on the form of
your worst fear. Just imagine, your own
personal demon that knows how to scare
you into inaction, into absolute terror and
it knows the exact combination of moves
to strangle any joy, hope and peace you
may have in your life.
I sat there on the floor wide-eyed
and sweating like every other kid there.
I'm so going to get strangled I thought. I
would certainly be making a detour to the
kitchen to get some cans to prop up my
bed on the way to sleep that night.
Not exactly the subject for a great
bedtime story you may think. But wait...
there was an upside. The tokaloshie could
indeed be defeated.
I LIVED in rural Kenya for a time and
while for some of you that may sound
unbearably glamorous, let me assure you
it was far from the case. Although I loved
the experience on the whole, being so
far away from my family and friends was
difficult and I was desperate to feel a little
less isolated so I thought learning the
language would help.
Trouble was, the most common
language in that part of the world is
I am not joking.
So, I did my best to navigate the
wonderful rhythms of the vowels, to
move my mouth into unfamiliar positions,
to even listen in a way that was totally new
to me. In addition to more formal tuition
to try and improve my skills more rapidly,
I began to look for more opportunities to
sit and listen in a relaxed way to take in
the new sounds.
One way I discovered I could do this
was to hang out with the kids of the area
a bit more. They spoke more slowly and
simply than most adults and this made
them far easier to understand and serve
as a guide. One of these children invited
me to listen to one of the wise mammas of
the village tell a community bedtime story.
I went along and sat on the floor among
all the children and listened to the quiet
hypnotic voice of the storyteller. I began
The only way to beat the power of this
monster was to shine a light on it -- full
on and square. To be able to do this was,
of course, a brave move, even a supreme
act of courage. First of all, you need to go
searching for this demon of fear and all
the while you have no way of knowing just
how ugly and terrifying it might be. Who
knows what horrors you might find!
But, if we did drum up the cajones to
search and identify the demon, if we did
reach down into the darkness and shine
the light on it to see what it really was,
it always lost its power and ceased to
strangle the life and joy out of us.
It got me thinking...how many of us
are afraid to shine the torch on our own
How many of us repeat the same
mistakes over and over, hoping that
next time will be different, but not really
shedding light on why it always seems
to happen that way? How many of us lie
in our beds at night, with fears not only
invading under our beds but within the
How long will it be before we stop
allowing our relationship fears to stop
strangling the joy out of our intimate life?
It would be a rare person who does
not have some kind of fear or belief that
does not serve them when it comes to
either attracting or keeping our ideal
partner. Perhaps it's a fear about our own
worthiness, our own capabilities, our own
mistrust in ourselves.
Sometimes, these fears are buried
so deeply and darkly that it is only the
symptoms that rise above for us to see.
Here are some very common symptoms
of buried fears:
● Feelings of constant anxiety
● Jealousy and envy
● Co-dependent behaviour
● Continual patterns of attracting the
same "wrong" kind of partner
● Self sabotage
● Lack of self esteem
● Feelings of unworthiness (resulting
in choosing abusive or unsuitable
● Lack of purpose
● Disconnection during sex
Fears that manifest this way need a
powerful light shone upon them, firstly
to reveal them in their completeness and
then to see them clearly enough so we
can form a strategy to remove them once
and for all from lurking beneath our
I have found personally, as well as
observed with large numbers of clients,
that when we choose to really see these
fears, they are rarely as savage and
frightening as we have imagined them
to be. Often they are old, useless and
toothless...not really relevant to the
capable people we are today.
Fear of all kinds blocks flow. This
means flow of joy, flow of attraction
and certainly it can block the Universe's
ability to flow a great relationship to you.
We truly do have a conscious choice
to remain in the darkness or to turn
the lights on! I urge you to use the light
to wither your particular relationship
demons. Get them out of your bed once
and for all!
Stacey was the metaphysical exper t on the hit TV
series, The One. She is the author of three previous
successful books: Witch in the Boardroom, Witch in the
Bedroom and The Coffee Oracle, and a life member of
the Australian Psychics Association.
Healing starts when we face up to our fears, says
We here at NOVA love our readers and to thank you for being one of them,
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A SONG FOR THE ANIMALS Irish-born Australian singer
songwriter Lia Scallon's Song of Love for the Animals is a musical work of
appreciation and gratitude to the animals that enrich our lives, and is the
latest of her critically praised Sounds of Sirius CDs. NOVA MAGAZINE &
SOUNDS OF SIRIUS have FIVE CDs to give away. Mark your entry PETS.
HEALING EARTH The Health Earth Book and Deck by Jyoti Mckie
has 108 beautifully illustrated cards and book which reflect our global
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NOVA MAGAZINE & WILDSTONE ORGANIC WINES have SIX packs
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EXERCISES FOR LIVING In her new book You Are Inspired,
well known Australian clairvoyant healer Belinda Grace provides practical
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