Home' Nova West : February 2010 Contents about stepping out of emotion. We can't
make clear, positive decisions when we're
drowning in a storm of confusing feelings.
A good example is jealousy, which is
mainly caused by insecurity and lack of
trust. Once sufferers realise this, they can
actually feel the jealousy rise up, then
watch it go by. Emotions are only energy;
let them rise, recognise them, then let go.
Here are a list of common emotions and
how we might make good choices about
● Sadness -- being sad is fine but we can
also decide to feel better.
● Depression -- Not counting clinical
illness, if we just feel "blue" sometimes, we
can distract ourselves by exercise, spending
time in nature or finding a friend.
● Anger -- even if it's "righteous anger",
loss of temper is not acceptable. There are
positive outlets for rage, hurt feelings and
conflict that should be explored.
● Fear -- definitely can be discarded by
choice. A life without fear is free and much
● Doubt -- can eat into a person until
there's no way to know what's real and
what isn't. Trust is crucial for an abundant
life. Choose to trust.
● Hate -- often conditioned and learned,
therefore can be released by choice.
● Grief -- important to allow it for a natural
period of mourning but then we need to
choose to grab hold of life again.
The key factor here is that unless we
practise choice in regard to emotions, we
are slave to them, prisoners of our own
making. When negative things happen
to us, we have a distinct choice over our
reactions. I use Florence Scovel-Shinn's
technique of affirming, "This does not
move me." I began doing this in 1996 and
it's never failed to work. When I say this
phrase, a calm comes over me and I no
longer feel angry or sad or frustrated, etc; I
still have to deal with the unpleasant event,
but now my mind is clear and my spirit is
calm so it's much easier.
All of life is open to choice. We are not
stuck, powerless, weak. We are strong and
infinitely powerful, if only we knew it. How
many people, after a tragedy, marvel that
they got through it? "I didn't know I had
such strength", they exclaim. Well, we don't
need problems to bring this out. We can
call on our inner strength on a daily basis,
seeing our choices as we go along and
choosing the best ones, the ones that help
us to soar and never to fail, make mistakes,
yes, but never be defeated. We will always
make bad choices sometimes, but with
increased knowledge and the desire to live
by active choice, we can design our lives as
we go, truly creating our own realities. ●
to work, though, should be seriously
exercising choice. Faith in oneself is always
rewarded if it's genuine and unconditional.
Conditional faith will never work. We all
have the right to enjoy our journeys to the
fullest, including how we earn our money.
means relocating or retraining, consider it;
don't let fear stop you.
Some people seem to have endless choice
when it comes to love relationships,
because of good looks, personality or
charisma. Others take what they can. I would
never recommend "settling" for whoever
comes along. The scariest part is that choice
can be just as negative in relationships as
if we were to walk into a room wearing a
blindfold and pick a partner, sight unseen.
Perhaps that's why arranged marriages
have an uncanny way of being successful.
It's the motivation behind our relationship
choices that holds all the dangers.
Why are we attracted to a particular
person? What do we want and expect
from relationships in general? What do we
think relationships actually are? Relatives,
workmates and neighbours we largely
can't choose, but friends and lovers come
from a wide array of choice. So, what creates
We're attracted for all kinds of
unconscious reasons, and because they're
unconscious, we aren't aware of them
when we go out to meet potential partners.
Healthy relationships only develop as
a result of conscious choice, from self
awareness, maturity and personal growth.
How many of us have all that in our
20s? That might account for the high
incidence of divorce in our society. Most
people lurch into relationships, armed
with only heightened emotion and
To make positive choices, one needs
to approach relationships in a rather more
objective light, as clinical as that sounds.
Head as much as heart should be engaged.
One's relationship pattern needs to be
identified and, if destructive, for example,
attracting addicts, abusive partners or
serial breakups, released and replaced by
a better one. That's what I mean about
choice creating power -- we are not
helpless victims of life; we are in charge and
can decide what we want, what makes us
happy and the people we want to bring in.
Knowing that, relationships around us
visibly begin to alter for the better.
This is a surprising area for choice. Most
people would vehemently affirm that they
cannot choose or control their feelings.
But, actually, we can. Choice itself is
© NOVA FEBRUARY 2010
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