Home' Nova National : February 2011 Contents 20
2011 is going to be my year to be
nice to ME. For a change, ME.
Me, me, ME! Ego? Maybe. Self
obsession? Perhaps. Compassion?
Gosh, I've been hard on myself over
the years. Every year from age 12 to 25,
my New Year 's resolution was to devote
myself to my writing 10% more. I wasn't
quite sure what this meant, but I think I
had ideas of, (a) a drafty French garret
where I could be artistic, and starve, as all
good artists do, (b) locking myself away in
my bedroom for hours at a time, working
on stories of Note and Merit, (c) having
a clear vision of where I wanted to be in
five years, and following it like a star over
I sat out under the back porch of my
parents' house, for the most part, and
wrote Star Trek fan fiction, and had no
idea of where all this was leading me.
I got married, had kids, and beat
myself up because, with two babies under
three, I was no longer a writer. I was
also the worst mother ever, and cried
every day. I knew there was something
fundamentally wrong with me, the way
I parented, the way I wifed, the way I
looked at the world.
I was not diagnosed with depression
for another 20 years.
I worked awful jobs for a long time,
thinking I didn't deserve more, thinking
I was paying off some mysterious karma.
I taught belly dance -- hard on the
body, and the soul. I gave and gave at
home, at work, in my tarot readings,
© NOVA FEBRUARY 2011
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