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© NOVA APRIL 2011
a journey we ourselves have not already
taken or at least started. Our sacred
mission is not to save anyone or anything
else, but to save ourselves from the
illusions we have built up to defend
our wounds. We become Chiron, the
archetype of the wounded healer.
The more we get in contact with
our essence, our true nature and our
connection to all life, it is who we love
and how we love them that becomes of
paramount importance -- it becomes our
driving force. But to love and to be loved
in the simplest of ways requires us to
release our identification with our
wounds and to surrender any investment
we have made in resisting our fate and
any investment we have in blame. This is
no small task; it is constant work. Along
with our fate, we have our stories and,
very often, we release them reluctantly
as we have identified very strongly with
them and they have become a defining
part of who "we think we are", not who
"we truly are".
Imagine for a moment that "God" is
the personality some religions have
described "Him" as. We die, we go to
heaven, and "He" will ask, "I gave you
your mother and father and your
childhood circumstance. I also gave you
your gender, your body, your ethnicity
and your nationality, so, tell me, what did
you do with them?". Most of us, if honest,
would reply, "Um....I spent most of my
life resisting all of that, I didn't like the
package deal at all".
From the depths of our deepest
wounds emerge our greatest gifts.
Similarly, contained within the fate we
were given, a destiny emerges when we
choose to work with the fate. But destiny
cannot emerge until we submit to our
fate. That means standing back and
looking at everything that was given and
has happened and asking ourselves where
the opportunities for self development
and self healing lie.
If we come from lack, then discovering
the fullness of our being lies as an
opportunity before us; if we come from
conflict, then peace and reconciliation lie
before us; if we come from abandonment
and despair, then connection to all life
lies before us. Whatever the lack, its
opposite awaits us. So it is the difficult
and challenging aspects of our fate that
give us the opportunity to springboard
towards a destiny of our own choosing,
instead of bemoaning what is less than
'Any task that is given to us is always about ourselves, about
becoming the greater part of ourselves.'
In submitting to fate, we receive this
life and all of its circumstances as a gift
and we get on with the task of digging for
the gold that awaits us.
So many of my clients come to me
saying, "I have this issue, this wound,
this problem, and I want it to go away".
Experience tells me that when we most
want something to "go away" or we want
to "get rid" of it, it tends to stick to us like
the proverbial mud. I tell my clients that
the objective is not to rid ourselves of
the wound, but to change our relationship
to it. When a parent loses a child, that
wound never goes away, it remains for
life. But over time, the nature of the
wound can change and how it operates
in the parent's life also transforms. This
is also true of our own deeper wounds.
Our wounds exist in three states: Burden,
We can know when our wound is a
burden as we are often still stuck in
blame, self pity and invariably allow
ourselves to be triggered by others. Just as
invariably, we view the world through the
veil the wound had placed on our vision
of other people and the world at large.
When our wound is a burden, we take
less responsibility for ourselves, our
reactions and frequently go either into
conflict or withdrawal. We interpret the
actions of others through the lens of our
wound and we frequently re-create the
same circumstances over and over again,
often with different people.
When we are in burden, we use much
of our energy to push against the world,
focus on what is not wanted and slip into
a narcissistic view of ourselves. We tend
to take a "higher " moral ground and
judge others, tell ourselves and even
others what should be done, how life
should be led and what is the right thing
to do -- all of which is designed to keep
us away from the dread of our deepest
wound, separation from true self. Yet when
we step back and look through the eyes of
our greater self, the occurrences often have
more to do with our reactions than with
what actually happened. Neutral bystanders
will invariably see things differently to our
own wounded self.
We become stuck in burden when
we need others to change, to give us what
we didn't receive.
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