Home' Nova National : April 2011 Contents 12 © NOVA APRIL 2011
comfortable than the burden stage of
our journey with our wounds, it can be
fraught with pitfalls, deceptions and self
punishment. We can easily drop back
into the burden, but it rarely lasts
for long once we have the increased
awareness. We can momentarily forget
our new awareness, but it won't be lost.
The key is to take a deep breath and be
kind to ourselves.
At this stage our wounds become our
friends. Whenever we find ourselves
triggered into defence, we become
gently aware of our own wounding in the
background and make the choice not
to go there. If we do go into defence or
have a reaction, we start to take immediate
responsibility for it and direct ourselves
off into more self healing work that feeds
and nourishes our soul. While it is true
that others can hurt us in the present,
when our wounds are our companions,
we react with much less intensity. When
our wound is our friend, our compassion
increases and we are much more easily
able to see others beyond the veils of
their own wounds and defences. We
recognise them for who they truly are
and how they are feeling in the moment.
When our wound is our friend, we no
longer blame or push back, but stand
with both feet firmly on the ground with
an open heart -- feeling no need to be
forgiven or to forgive, but simply to be in
the present moment with what is
presenting itself. When our wound is our
friend, we don't make the other wrong
and we can choose to withdraw peacefully
until a better opportunity presents itself
to deal with the matter at hand.
As we embrace our wounds, firstly
as teachers, then as companions through
life, we begin to submit to our destiny --
our childhood and other circumstances
are what they are and are unchangeable
-- with the exception of our feelings
and reactions. In submitting to our fate,
we begin to see the opportunities for
growth inherent within the wound.
For many of us, it is the very seeking of
solutions to our pain that leads us onto
a path of encountering our own soul
and the far greater part of ourselves
-- yes, even to the Divine. We become
the wounded healer, Chiron embodied. ●
from previous page
We remain stuck in burden until the
moment we decide to simply give up
that need and start to focus on self
care and fulfilling our own needs.
We remain stuck in burden when
we stubbornly refuse to accept that we
simply didn't get what we needed -- when
the fear of facing that painful truth seems
too much for us to bear. We remain
stuck in burden when we allow our
suffering to continue as a way of
demonstrating to others, "Look what you
did to me!"
This is the next stage of living and
working with our wounds. We are still
reacting, projecting, blaming and falling
into self pity, but we have simply become
more aware of what we are doing. At
this stage, we are able to retrospectively
view what happened -- our reaction, our
masks, our defences and reactions -- with
a little more neutrality and honesty. We
have become much more self aware
and, able to take more self responsibility.
One of the challenges at this stage is
to be gentle with ourselves. If we have
come from a family in which children
were guided and disciplined through
criticism, then we are likely to beat
ourselves up at this stage. This simply
piles even more negative energy onto
our wound, making it more difficult to
reach a solution. Gentle self awareness
is what is required here and a reminder
that if you have a question concerning
your self healing, the answer is always
love. When the wound is our teacher,
we can more easily identify the Angle of
Light (Deception) that will even have us,
at times, resent that it is us who seems to
be doing all the work. We will, at times,
fall into the deception that we are the
"good" and "enlightened" one and feel
very pleased that we've done our self
examination work while the others are
still screaming and shouting. If we are
not vigilant, we may even adopt a false
sense of pride that, although the other
person was "wrong", we did the "right"
thing by working on our "stuff ". Take a
While the teacher stage is far more
Belief in a higher purpose to life
brings much comfort in times
of stress and can make difficult
experiences easier to accept.
In our relationships, it is often difficult to
see things from a higher perspective,
especially when our emotions are
involved. This little story may help.
During the life between lifetimes,
three souls, bonded by love, met to
discuss their next incarnation together.
"I want to learn something really
valuable in this next life," said Soul One.
"I will give you the gifts of independ-
ence and resilience so that you can
develop the strength of purpose to fulfil
your destiny," said Soul Two.
"And I will give you the gifts of
patience and compassion which you
will need if you are to follow your soul's
calling," said Soul Three.
Soul One was thrilled! "These are great
gifts indeed," she cried. "I accept with
"But wait," added Soul Two, "there is
a condition. In order to receive the gifts
of independence and resilience you will
feel abandoned by me for much of your
"And in order to receive my gifts of
patience and compassion," said Soul
Three, "you will also be angry with me
and feel betrayed for much of your adult
life."Soul One was horrified. "How can
I knowingly accept these gifts if it will
cause so much pain?" she asked.
Souls Two and Three conferred for a
while and then said:
"We have an additional gift which
will help you. We will give you the gift
of forgetting until you remember your
So, in time, the three souls incarnated
together, Souls Two and Three as parents
to Soul One.
The harder Soul One tried to get
close to her emotionally distant mother,
the more busy she became, until she felt
so alone that she gave up trying to do
anything with her at all and just did
things herself. She became so angry with
her father who was always ill and afraid
of everything in life, that she carried that
anger with her into her adult relationships
And so Soul One learned to become
resilient and independent from an early
age, and, in time, went on to become a
patient and compassionate healer who
helped many lost souls find their purpose.
Then, one day, she woke up, realised
that she was indeed fulfilling her soul's
true purpose in this lifetime and
remembered the contract that she had
made so long ago.
In place of the bitterness, she was
finally able to feel grateful to have had
parents who enabled her to develop those
very qualities she needed.
It can be helpful to ask ourselves
what qualities we developed from those
early, painful experiences and to see them
as gifts that are essential for us to follow
our soul's purpose. Although it is some-
times difficult to understand why we have
to choose such hard lessons to learn what
we are meant to learn, what better way
could you learn about self empowerment
than by being disempowered? Self love
through being rejected? Inner strength
through being abandoned? It's a cosmic
joke isn't it!
Letting go of blame, forgiving others
and taking responsibility for moving our
lives forward frees us to be all that we can
be and gives us the joy of knowing there is
a higher purpose in which we can believe.
Try substituting your own experiences
in this story. What are you here to learn? ●
By regression therapist Val Coventry.
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