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to hand over your power to it and allow
it to make you feel dependent upon it
for strength, self esteem and a sense of
value. Whether it's love or something
else, we surely don't want to lose control
over ourselves to that extent. Always hold
your own power and trust that everything
you want will come to you without you
sacrificing your integrity or compromising
your identity. Let love develop in its own
time for, like a fine wine, true feelings
need nurturing and space. Obsessive
love is always in a hurry, seeking standard
results and clichéd responses.
It is most likely to occur at these particular
occasions in life:
❤ Early adult life when experience of life
and love is limited
❤ After a break up where one person did
not want the relationship to end
❤ In a marriage or other long term
relationship where one partner is far
more in love than the other or, in fact,
love is unrequited from one side.
❤ When a person falls in love for the first
time later in life and has no warning of
the force of these feelings.
❤ When an individual came from a
childhood background of emotional
I'll briefly explain each of these.
The first is self explanatory. Naiveté
and lack of life experience is the cause
of much emotional pain as the innocent
person lacks the resources to make
judicious choices in matters of the heart.
While love is an emotional matter, good
sense can still reign, if not in the initial
throes of passion then certainly when a
cooler head prevails.
After a break up, the rejected party can
easily develop an obsession for the loved
one; indeed many books and films have
told this very story. It's about the inability
to let go, causing the frustrated partner to
feed on a fantasy version of events, often
making up whole scenarios to replace
the plain fact that the relationship is over.
Sometimes, it can even lead to stalking,
harassment and violent behaviour. The
unwanted pursuer sees him or herself
as a victim and without proper closure,
the wound can take years to heal and in
some cases, it never does, leaving the
sufferer bitter and totally unable to trust
In the case of unrequited love, the
lover interprets even the slightest sign
as encouragement and in stories like the
famous Fatal Attraction a casual sexual
encounter is seen as a 'grande affaire'.
Obstacles such as partners, business
matters and family obligations are
blamed for the failure of development
in the relationship and never the lack of
interest on the part of the loved one. The
obsessed party feeds off the possibility of
a full relationship in the future no matter
how unlikely this is.
If one partner is more in love than the
other, it doesn't have to pose any great
problem unless the one who loves more
insists on reciprocity to the same degree.
In this case, the other person feels stifled
and suffocated; all kinds of negative
behaviours start creeping in, such as
jealousy, possessiveness and paranoia. It's
impossible for a healthy relationship to
progress in this emotional atmosphere.
Such a relationship is depicted in the
famous John Galsworthy novels, The
continued page 17
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