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© NOVA JUNE 2013
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say hello. We chatted a bit then wished e ach
other well ea ch time we had a treatment. She
came over one more time and it made me
feel c ared for. It wa s nothing special, just a
hello but we made a connection. When I was
transferred to Ward 71, we said goodbye and
wished each other well. She was a small light
in those dark days.
upstairs, I met t wo more angels. These
were middle aged, down to earth, interested
and interesting women who responded to
my per sonality, listened when I “preached ”
my positive messages, helped in ever y way
they could because I was immobile and they
weren’t. One helped me with tech stuff – my
phone, computer and such; the other bought
me coffee and cheese and biscuits. Nothing
was too much trouble, and I never had to ask.
I have to say here that I have had
magnificent medical care on every front
and I’ve been swamped with love, even
from people who hardly know me. I’ve
relinquished the need to know why. Often
we don’t see what we have gained till
sometime in the f uture but I guarantee there
will be at least one gift.
The whole of the last two months
remains a mystery but already, I see some of
the more obvious gifts so all I have to do is
receive. A m I lying here, feeling scared, s ad,
self pitying, anxious, depressed, fea rful? No!
And I’m not faking it. I’m genuinely rela xed,
at peace, rela xed, positive, engaged in my
own life and trusting. This is the re sult of
many years of relea sing past conditioning
a nd building a healthy new belief structure.
However, you can change your life/thinking
in one moment just as I did that new dawn
on the 7th floor.
Beyond the nice stuff, there’s also the
• foc using on the positives of the situation,
being grateful for what you still have
• Identity – embracing change a nd a different
sense of self
• Ac ceptanc e, a l lowing, relea sing the need
• Letting go of fear
• Staying in the present
• Dealing with pressure gracefully
• Trust, trust, trust
These may not be new but when life
literally tips you over, it becomes very
intense. T he physical pain was so all-
encompassing, nothing else existed. I wa s
just a ball of pain and all I could do was
wait for it to pass into the next moment that
wa s pain-free. I don’t know how I endured
it for as long as I did. Now, I’m pain-free,
on a regime of measured med s. It’s released
me back into life. I’m still counselling,
albeit from a hospital bed downstairs in my
house. No one seems to mind and of course,
I can still work online. It’s not a bed of roses
but neither is it a bed of pain or struggle or
suffering of any kind. I’m happy. It’s that
simple. R ight now, I’m confined to bed a s
another fall will be the end of me but I’m
getting stronger every day so here’s trusting
for a positive outcome.
My journey is your journey because we
are all one. We can’t walk in each other’s
shoes but we can share the pain and the
love. L et’s do that and always walk together
towards the light. In the end, we don’t need
a nything else.
‘I’ve relinquished the
need to know why.’
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