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The Flow of Love
Life transformation coach David G Arenson ND says it’s only when we
accept our own shadow rather than looking for another’s faults, that
love can flow freely.
“You only lose what you cling to.”
~ Gautama Buddha
Stop clinging and there you’ll have
your solution. Simple. But what
The light-dark (yin-yang) aspects
can hover over one like a shadow. Emotional
turbulence can exhibit itself in frustration,
a nger and, worse, we stop feeling love, we stop
feeling freedom, we stop feeling happiness,
we lose our selves in oppo sing another. The
a rchet ype plays out like so.
We fall in love. We fight. We roar. We
want. We need. We never get all our needs
met. We strive for more. We lose. We fall.
We break up. We cry. We yearn. We get back
together ag ain. We love outrageously.
We will do a nything because we’re so
a fraid of losing love and connection.
Relationships are a lways an adventure –
we ca n’t outsmart them, avoid the pain or
avoid doing the work.
Whether requited or unrequited, what
happens when there is doubt or hesitation
on either side? Or the fire starts to dim
a nd flickers or, worse, goe s perma nently
lukewarm? Or if one’s chosen bedmate is
spending too much time at work, at the
health club or with his secreta ry?
“What hurts you, blesses you.
No matter how fast you run,
your shadow keeps up.
Darkness is your candle.
Your boundaries are your quest.
You must have shadow and light
Don’t fight the shadow. Don’t fight the
da rkness. Don’t fight the unwanted fe elings.
Darkness can be a friend. Without darkness,
there would be no light.
Relationships merely hold up a mirror
to what is real and waiting to be addressed,
felt, a cknowledged. A s needy and complex
beings, rel ationships are the field in which
we express our neuroses, our needs and
When it feels like it sucks – or it does
just suck! – is there a wellspring we ca n
tap into for answers? Is it possible to tap
into the infinite and unknowable field of
oneness, love and compassion that pervades
e xistence and just stay there (like forever!)?
Do we ever need to come back (and do the
washing)? Can we find the answers we need
in Bodhisattva ?
Bodhisatt va practices in Tibeta n
Buddhism involve s elfle ss love for others
without any self interest.
In relation ship terms, this would involve
completely surrendering to love another
u nconditionally. The active part of love would
involve a willingness to know another without
judgment or attachment – yet at the same time
investing one’s f ull attention in caring for one
a nother wholeheartedly. One would alway s
remain faithful to the unselfish component,
putting another’s ne eds first – a lways !
Sound simple enough? It’s ea sy too !
For those narcissistically inclined
a mongst us (I dares ay, a vociferou s minority),
how is it possible to put another first unless
it’s one’s own child? How is it possible to give
without wanting or expecting reward? How
is it possible to love uncondition ally?
This would entail ser ving another’s
needs as more important than one’s own;
refu sing to cling to another person under
one’s own volition, pure a cc epta nc e, pure
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can
and no one may. We ourselves must walk
~ Gautama Buddha , Sayings Of Buddha
One can be of pure heart, pure mind
a nd pure body while knowing that life is
ephemeral, a nd maintain a detachment to
the maya of another person, a s one retains
a deta chment to the maya of one self. But
surely, sometimes we just want things,
‘If I cause love, then I
will experience love.’
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